Tag Archives: writing

Give Yourself a Break…Election 2016

Greetings Friends,

I wanted to write you all a quick letter because I have something to say that I feel might help one or a few of you. I tend to stay away from politics. As you know it’s a very hot topic right now and it stirs passion and high emotions for a lot of us.  That being said…

Scrolling through my Facebook page today I see a lot of people who are angry, sad, confused and scared. Not everyone feels this way, certainly, and that’s okay. Everyone is entitled to their own choice. I am comforted by the words of Barack Obama as he speaks of tolerance and acceptance and unity. He is so eloquent and I will miss him come January. I hope he will continue to lead with dignity and hope.

Here is what I want to tell you. Are you paying attention?

You need to disengage for awhile.  Look away.

I spent a long time this morning pouring through Facebook reading article after article about the election. I was consumed and couldn’t think of anything else. I couldn’t even focus on the work I was supposed to be doing.

I’m not saying you can’t feel sad or angry. You sure can, but you need to take a break. Pull yourself away from the computer or the TV just for a short time. 30 minutes. Go outside, look at the sun. Watch a bird fly. Take your dog for a walk.

I decided to listen to some music. I picked a song that reminded me how much I love music and how much I love my husband. Then I got to thinking about how much I love my family. No election can take those things away from me.  While listening and writing this to you, I feel like a person again. I’m breathing.  I’m celebrating creativity and love.  My heart is full and I am grateful.

Please, take a break today.

Sending my love to all of you…pass it on.



You Gonna Eat That? Workplace Fail/ Try Not Being Gross.

While I am in the process of writing a more developed essay about serious stuff, I’m going to lighten the mood here with some workplace fun facts. As I’m sure you know, we spend a large quantity of our time with our co-workers. Inevitably, things they do will get on our nerves. As you are a perfect human being like me, you are always courteous and cool. You never walk through the entire office whistling “Oh Susanna” for days on end. And I’m sure you don’t even know what *crop dusting is.

I’ve been keeping a list of ways the people I work with make me nuts. More nuts. While going through my list, I noticed a lot of these complaints were food related. Being the flexible and talented writer I am, I decided to revise and edit. My friends, I give you:

 Food For Thought: Top 5 Reasons Food Should Be Banned from My Office

 1. Stealing Food from the Refrigerator

Stacy walks to the office kitchen with a spring in her step. She made a wonderful salad for lunch and she’s been looking forward to it all morning. She even marked her container with her name and a smiley face. She opens the fridge and screams in terror. Most of her salad is gone and the happy little lid from her container is sitting in the garbage can under a poopy diaper.  Okay, there wasn’t really a poopy diaper in the kitchen garbage, but typing poopy diaper three times  really made me laugh.

Stacy doesn’t have time to run out for food, so her day is ruined. Every person she deals with this afternoon will incur the wrath of hangry Stacy. Poor Stacy will be chewing on her arm by 2 o’clock.

Don’t eat someone else’s lunch! It’s quite disgusting. What if they spit in their own food? What if it has curry in it?  Plus, it’s more than rude. It’s just mean. You don’t want to be mean, do you?


2. Potluck Abuse

Tammy was up all night piping fluffy, flavored yolks into hard-boiled eggs for the office potluck. She was sure to make enough so that everyone could eat two deviled eggs. The paprika was sprinkled on top with artistic care.  Tammy pushes store bought cookies and 2-liters of soda aside to display her culinary masterpiece. There are only 8 food items on the banquet table, but they all look delicious. She turns around to see that there are 25 people in line for food.


Wait, wha??  My friends, it is so uncool to show up at the office potluck only to dip your filthy head in the trough. In the spirit of “pay-to-play,” you must, MUST bring something to share, otherwise you cannot eat. It’s bad karma, folks. Society has made it so easy for us to find food. Even gas stations have offerings. Buy a bunch of candybars. How ‘bout a case of soda pop? For pete’s sake, grab the jar of queso dip and some Tostitos!  Brighten up, Lollipop!  It’s time to be an adult person at work.

3. Microwave Assault

I’m just going to be frank with you. It’s tough love, but I say these things to help you.

 Everyone thinks you’re an asshole when you heat up fish in the microwave. Everyone thinks you’re an asshole when you burn popcorn in the microwave. Everyone.

Okay, I know you like to eat fish. Guess what? You can eat it cold. Or microwave it for just a few seconds, 15 tops, so it’s not ice cold. That’s it. 15 seconds is all we can take before we develop a very real and very deep hatred for you personally.  Tell you what, save your fish for dinner…at your house.

If you burn the popcorn, I’m sorry, you’re fired. You must leave immediately.


4. Stinky Food at Your Desk

Fish is not the only offensive smell at the office. Just because you left your fish at home, don’t think you’re off the hook. Arnold has had a busy day, so he has to catch up on Walking Dead…ahem, I mean emails during lunch. That’s cool, Arnold. Enjoy your meal.

Arnold brought a whole onion for lunch. He’s slicing it up at his desk and chewing every bite with animated, audible delight. Oh, he’s got a container of feta cheese, too!  Here I thought someone was merely farting, but it’s actually Arnold’s broccoli casserole. Dude, we’re trying to work here. We don’t care to breathe your food odors for your hour-long lunch break. It’s peanut butter and jelly for you tomorrow. If you bring in an onion again, I’ll give you something to cry about.


5. For the Love of God, Shut Your Mouth When You Eat!!!

Margaret has found some leftover fish in the fridge. It’s marked with the name “Holly,” but that’s okay, Margaret doesn’t mind. She then heats up the Holly fish in the microwave everyone shares and brings it back to her desk, so we can all enjoy Holly’s lunch.

Let’s reflect on this for a moment. You may notice some rules have been trotted upon here. How does Margaret even have a job? Good question. This is hypothetical; don’t get too bogged down with the details.

As if all this wasn’t bad enough, Margaret starts digging in with her metal utensils, needlessly scraping them together. Then the real fun starts. Margaret puts the food in her mouth and begins the loud and obnoxious nom-nom process. Everyone around Margaret can hear her every smackety-smackety chew. Marvin was trying to speak to a client on the phone, but he had to hang up. Yeah, it was that loud. People actually do eat like this. Adult people. If you were raised in a barn or raised by wolves, I apologize, that’s terrible. Only people who have been raised by wolves are allowed to eat this way. And just the one time. After that, you will be asked to eat outside.  Margaret, you are foul. Thanks for capping it all off with an enthusiastic burp. (Yeah, this really happens.)


Bottom line: Use some common sense at work. Wake up and realize that there are other people around you and act accordingly. You can do whatever you want at home, but at work you need to do better.  You’re making all of us want to puke.

*crop dusting – While walking by a group of people, silently fart, leaving them with the foul stench of your butt’s outburst.


Stop Saying That!

Sometimes we get into a word rut. At least I do. I notice I’m using the same exclamations and phrases over and over and I start to annoy myself. A few years ago I made a conscious effort to stop saying “like” so much. It was difficult. The word “like” had brainwashed me for years. I had to concentrate on what I was saying, but I drastically cut down on my “likes.” In recent years, I have tried to start sounding like an educated adult person when I speak or write. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? I try to think about my words and how they reflect on my persona at work.

Remember that huge book that your teacher had in grammar school? That big, yellowed dusty book on a podium all by itself? No, not the Bible. It was that sassy know-it-all book called the dictionary. “Look it up” was a dreaded phrase from my schoolgirl years. Can’t you just tell me what the word “ignorant” means? Ugh! There are tons of words in that book that we are all welcome to use…for free! I won’t even start on the thesaurus! It makes me dizzy thinking about it. Here are a few phrases I am trying to weed out of my vocabulary and I think you should try it, too.

1. Awesome/Amazing. Here is a go-to phrase that I have heard a lot over that past, well several years. I’m guilty…I still say awesome, especially when I’m with younger people. It is rare that I bring out the word “amazing.” If you look up the definition in the Miriam-Webster dictionary, you will find that awesome means, ‘causing of feelings of fear and wonder.’ Here’s an example: Jesus rising from the dead. That was both awesome and amazing. Here’s another example, Kevin Richardson’s work with lions. Here’s a video you can watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNCzSfv4hX8 That’s pretty amazing, right? What I’m trying to say is that having a hot dog for lunch is pretty special, but not amazing. The swirly poo emoji is delightful, but it’s not awesome. Looking for alternatives to awesome/amazing? Here you go: stellar, cool, fun, trippy, good, nice, terrific, lovely, wonderful, impressive, grand…

2. Hilarious/Hysterical. I hear this countless times a day. From everyone. Granted, some things are genuinely hilarious. If you laugh until you cry, laugh about it again later and then laugh again the next day, that’s hilarious and possibly hysterical. I am lucky enough to laugh about many things during my day at work and at home, but I save the word hilarious for the over-the-top funny. Hilarious is the absolute top of the heap of funny, so not every kitten video you watch on YouTube is making you openly weep until you can’t breathe, is it? Save hilarious for a special occasion. While we’re on the topic, LMFAO is just bizarre. Who started that? It still counts as swearing, in case you didn’t know. ROTFLMAO…come on! There are so many words to use! Branch out! Try: funny, amusing, humorous, comical, witty, silly, goofy, outstanding, made me laugh/chuckle/giggle…

3. FML. In case you don’t know what this means, I’ll tell you. Cover your eyes, kids. It means “fuck my life.” You have the luxury of saying the entire phrase out loud or abbreviating to “fml.” Either way, it seems rather gauche to me. So, you got stopped at a red light. You were delayed by 2-3 minutes and you’re ready to claim your life is a miserable failure. Hmmm…that’s very serious, indeed. I’m merely asking you to think about what you’re saying here. If you’re living here in the good ‘ol U.S. of A. you’re probably doing okay. You have a place to live, some food to eat regularly and at least one person who cares about you. With one little phrase, you’re going to poo-poo all of that because someone exchanged your regular coffee for decaf. Chris Farley video right here(sorry it’s a bit grainy, but you get the point.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

Tg5aVzSDme4 Continue reading Stop Saying That!